 |
 BURTON 2012 MISSION Restricted Bindings Large NIGHTRAID Brand New $99.99 Time Remaining: 5d 16h 39m Buy It Now for only: $99.99 |
 Lamar Ultra 157 Mens Snowboard with Zuma Large Black Bindings No Reserve $11.50 (6 Bids) Time Remaining: 14h 4m |
 Mens Snow Goggles Cloud 9 Anti Fog Dual Lens Polycarbonate Black Ski C9G01 $21.95 Time Remaining: 1h 56m Buy It Now for only: $24.95 |
 Oakley Software Mens Snowboard Jacket Size Large $5.00 (2 Bids) Time Remaining: 1d 11h 11m |
 SCOTT MENS WINTER SKI SNOWBOARD GLOVES TRAVERSE BLACK GREY PLAID SMALL $52.99 Time Remaining: 29d 11h 52m Buy It Now for only: $52.99 |
 2 Patagonia Capilene Black Baselayer Pants Bottoms Mens L $8.49 (2 Bids) Time Remaining: 7h 12m |
 Mountain Hardwear Onata Jacket Mens Large New With Tags $41.00 (9 Bids) Time Remaining: 14h 47m |
 NWT Black Chloe Noel Figure Skating Pants Mens size M $9.99 (1 Bid) Time Remaining: 2h 50m |
 Flow Flite 2 Snowboard Bindings 2012 L Black $99.95 Time Remaining: 22d 11h 14m Buy It Now for only: $99.95 |
 Union Force MC Snowboard Bindings $279.99 Time Remaining: 9h 14m |
 TNF The North Face NWT Denali Fleece Jacket Hooded Black Mens Sz Medium $13.50 (7 Bids) Time Remaining: 13h 19m |
 Klim Freeride Pants Mens Medium Used TWO PAIR $100.00 Time Remaining: 1d 13h 23m |
 DC Phase Mens Snowboard Boot 2012 $77.95 Time Remaining: 10d 12h 57m Buy It Now for only: $77.95 |
 SPYDER MENS BLACK QUILTED SKI VEST Size XL Team Venom Insulator Excellent $35.99 (3 Bids) Time Remaining: 19h 9m |
 Rossignol RPM Midwide 155 Black Mens Snowboard + Rome S90 Bindings $269.95 Time Remaining: 1d 7h 51m Buy It Now for only: $299.95 |
 Arcteryx Fission AR Jacket Mens Black Large $300.00 Time Remaining: 20h 59m Buy It Now for only: $349.00 |
 2012 NEW MENS SIGNAL SNOWBOARD PANTS ALL SIZES WARM BURTON ROCKER $70.00 Time Remaining: 29d 18h 48m Buy It Now for only: $70.00 |
 DRAKE Matrix MENS SNOWBOARD BINDINGS MTX SIZE MEDIUM Blue Silver Black Burton $34.99 Time Remaining: 16h 1m Buy It Now for only: $42.99 |
 NEW Trespass Nemoc Wind Waterproof Fleece Jacket Mens Medium Black $24.99 Time Remaining: 10h 6m Buy It Now for only: $64.99 |
 Vintage New American Rocket Mens Black Sz 11 Insulated Ice Skates Imperial Blade $29.99 Time Remaining: 11h 11m |
 new BURTON RAMPANT SNOWBOARD BOOTS MENS WHITE OR BLACK $149.25 Time Remaining: 10d 10h 2m Buy It Now for only: $149.25 |
 TNF The North Face NWT Denali Fleece Jacket Hooded Black Mens Sz XL $4.25 (3 Bids) Time Remaining: 14h 4m |
 Mens Arcteryx Sidewinder SV Gore Tex Pro Shell Jacket Black Size Large $107.50 (3 Bids) Time Remaining: 3d 21h 48m |
 SALOMON F24 f 24 Fusion SNOWBOARDING Black SNOW Board BOOTS Mens size 105 New $159.95 Time Remaining: 18h 9m |
 Burton Ruler 2012 Snowboard Boots Black 10 $129.99 Time Remaining: 26d 14h 2m Buy It Now for only: $129.99 |
 TNF The North Face NWT Denali Fleece Jacket Hooded Black Mens Sz Medium $20.51 (5 Bids) Time Remaining: 14h 20m |
 NEW Oakley Mens winter ski snowboard Corked SKI PANTS L MINT BLACK $149.99 Time Remaining: 18h 50m |
 NEW Oakley Mens winter ski snowboard Corked SKI PANTS XXL MINT BLACK $149.99 Time Remaining: 18h 50m |
 NEW 2012 MENS BURTON TWC SNOWBOARD BOOT BLACK WHT SIZE 12 $169.99 Time Remaining: 29d 14h 4m Buy It Now for only: $169.99 |
 NEW Oakley Mens winter ski snowboard PANTS XXL WHITE BLACK $129.99 Time Remaining: 18h 50m |
 Lamar 163 White Snowboard Bindings W Mens Thirtytwo Sz12 BLK Prion Boots $20.50 (10 Bids) Time Remaining: 13h 14m |
 2012 Raiden Blackhawk Snowboard Bindings $0.01 (1 Bid) Time Remaining: 2d 11h 16m Buy It Now for only: $80.00 |
 NEW Dragon DX mirror EXTRA lens mens ski snowboard goggles ALL STYLES Msrp100 $41.99 Time Remaining: 10d 16h 34m Buy It Now for only: $41.99 |
 2012 Raiden Blackhawk Snowboard Bindings $0.01 Time Remaining: 2d 11h 18m Buy It Now for only: $80.00 |
 2012 Raiden Pusher Snowboard Bindings $0.01 Time Remaining: 2d 11h 24m Buy It Now for only: $65.00 |
 2012 Raiden Pusher Snowboard Bindings $0.01 Time Remaining: 2d 11h 26m Buy It Now for only: $60.00 |
 DC ROGAN BLACK GREY SNOWBOARD BOOT $110.00 Time Remaining: 2d 13h 8m Buy It Now for only: $110.00 |
 NEW Oakley Mens winter ski snowboard SLICER SNOW JACKET BLACK XXL $79.99 Time Remaining: 18h 50m |
 NEW Oakley Mens winter ski snowboard Corked SKI PANTS XL MINT BLACK $149.99 Time Remaining: 18h 50m |
 NEW Oakley Mens winter ski snowboard PANTS XL WHITE BLACK $129.99 Time Remaining: 18h 50m |
 Minus33 Mens Merino Wool Midweight Long Bottoms $47.99 Time Remaining: 4d 1h 30m Buy It Now for only: $47.99 |
 32 Thirty Two Lashed Snowboarding Boots Mens Size 115 in Black Grey And Purple $48.88 Time Remaining: 10h 30m |
 SCARPA Mens Skookum Alpine Boot Anthracite Black 265 27 $175.00 Time Remaining: 1d 7h 11m Buy It Now for only: $195.00 |
 K2 Darko Boa Snowboard Boots Size 9 Black Red $109.00 Time Remaining: 1d 3h 43m Buy It Now for only: $120.00 |
 Bonfire Volt Snowboard Jacket Black Mens $90.95 Time Remaining: 29d 10h 50m Buy It Now for only: $90.95 |
 Flow snowboard bindings black $90.00 Time Remaining: 16h 44m Buy It Now for only: $115.00 |
 THIRTY TWO SNOWBOARD MENS LASHED BOOTS BLACK NEW US SIZE 9 $79.99 Time Remaining: 10h 30m |
 TNF The North Face NWT Denali Fleece Jacket Hooded Black Mens Sz Large $15.50 (6 Bids) Time Remaining: 14h 50m |
 NEW Electric EG5 mirror extra lens mens womens ski snowboard goggles 2012 $44.99 Time Remaining: 27d 6h 54m Buy It Now for only: $44.99 |
 MENS BLACK MAC GREGOR FIGURE ICE SKATES SIZE 10 $17.50 Time Remaining: 13h 58m Buy It Now for only: $25.00 |
 BURTON TACTIC MENS SNOWBOARD PANTS SZ MEDIUM BLACK $19.99 Time Remaining: 19h 39m |
 Burton Snowboard Bindings Custom Used in Great Condition All Hardware Included $20.00 Time Remaining: 1d 10h 6m |
 Water Sport Sunglasses Ski Snowboard Goggles Mens Women $17.95 Time Remaining: 19d 4h 7m Buy It Now for only: $17.95 |
 FREE WORLD MENS SNOWBOARD PANTS SZ MEDIUM BLACK $9.99 Time Remaining: 19h 30m |
 SPYDER Mens NOTORIOUS GREY BLACK PLAID SOFT SHELL HOODY JACKET NWT XL 149 $99.99 Time Remaining: 16h 39m |
 NEW Salomon Mens Large Minim Gore Tex Active Hard Shell Jacket Black PLEASE READ $239.99 Time Remaining: 2d 6h 56m Buy It Now for only: $349.99 |
 Grenade Manic Snowboard Jacket Black Mens $113.95 Time Remaining: 29d 10h 26m Buy It Now for only: $113.95 |
 Vintage Signature Roffe Longitude TT Thinsulate 1 Piece Mens Ski Suit Medium LN $45.00 Time Remaining: 20h 21m Buy It Now for only: $50.00 |
 PATAGONIA BLACK SHELL SKI PANTS Mens Size 30 Small Suspenders Full Zip Legs $19.99 Time Remaining: 18h 45m |
 Ride Orion Snowboard Boots Black Size 10 excellent condition $40.00 Time Remaining: 3d 17h 9m Buy It Now for only: $50.00 |
 POW Mens Royal Gloves winter ski snow snowboard Black M XL NEW 70 $54.95 Time Remaining: 29d 10h 21m Buy It Now for only: $54.95 |
 Zenith Double layered Black Men 95 Ski Boots Pre owned made in Germany $49.99 Time Remaining: 15h 31m Buy It Now for only: $119.99 |
 BURTON Mens SUCH A DEAL BLACK SNOWBOARD SKI WATERPROOF INSULATED JACKET NWT M $109.99 (1 Bid) Time Remaining: 16h 25m |
 Arcteryx Fission SL Jacket Mens Black XL Never Worn $450.00 Time Remaining: 11h 54m Buy It Now for only: $600.00 |
 NEW Mens Women Mountain Hiking Outdoor Winter Jacket $38.00 Time Remaining: 20d 22h 39m Buy It Now for only: $38.00 |
 MARKER Snow Pants Mens Ski Snowboard Sledding Snowmobile Hiking Mens Size 34x34 $9.00 Time Remaining: 19h 14m Buy It Now for only: $29.00 |
 Mens Size Large Black Dakine Fleece Gloves Gripper Palm $5.00 Time Remaining: 1d 6h 4m |
 THIRTY TWO SNOWBOARD LASHED BOOTS BLACK GRAY NEW US SIZE 9 $79.99 Time Remaining: 10h 30m |
 BURTON 2012 MISSION Restricted Bindings Small NIGHTRAID Brand New $99.99 Time Remaining: 5d 16h 36m Buy It Now for only: $99.99 |
 Woman Man Sponge Pad Black Frame Goggles Skiing Glasses $13.51 Time Remaining: 15h 12m |
 Woman Man Sponge Pad Black Frame Goggles Skiing Glasses $13.76 Time Remaining: 15h 13m |
 Orage Bolton Mens Insulated Ski Jacket 2012 Large Bouleaux Black NEW $181.99 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 55m |
 TECHNINE Mens 2012 Snowboard Black RUGBY SHELL PANTS LARGE $119.99 Time Remaining: 3d 12h 41m Buy It Now for only: $119.99 |
 Orage Shefford Mens Insulated Ski Jacket 2012 Large Black NEW $251.99 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 57m |
 Orage Carbondale Mens Insulated Ski Jacket 2012 Medium Black NEW $307.99 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 55m |
 Black Diamond Mercury Mens Mitt Mitten Black L Large NICE $9.98 Time Remaining: 4d 15h 20m |
 NWT SALOMON FLEET LS TEE CREW SHIRT MENS L XXL for multisport $34.99 Time Remaining: 20d 5h 40m Buy It Now for only: $34.99 |
 Hot Chillys Pepper Skins Thermal Mens Long Underwear Top 2013 X Large Black $27.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 41m |
 NWT MENS SNOWBOARDING JACKET BY ZEROXPOSUR BLACK PLAID SZ XLG 9000 $45.00 Time Remaining: 3d 13h 35m Buy It Now for only: $50.00 |
 OSSI MENS BLACK SKI PANTS SZ 32 $9.99 Time Remaining: 19h 30m |
 Lib Tech Bailout Snowboard Jacket Black Mens Sz L $129.95 Time Remaining: 29d 10h 26m Buy It Now for only: $129.95 |
 LAMAR Sz 8 Adult Tan Black EQUINOX Style SNOWBOARD BOOTS $19.99 Time Remaining: 3d 58m Buy It Now for only: $24.99 |
 NWT Marmot Mens Alpinist Gore tex Pro 3 Layer Ski Pant Bib Waterproof Size M $330.00 Time Remaining: 17h Buy It Now for only: $365.00 |
 Morrow Rail Mens Snowboard Freestyle Strap In Boots Size 12 Black $25.00 Time Remaining: 3d 14h 52m |
 NEW Zeal Dominator SPX Polarized Black Mens spherical ski snow snowboard goggles $42.69 Time Remaining: 10d 2h 25m Buy It Now for only: $42.69 |
 Mens SPYDER Full Side Zip SKI Winter Sports SNOWBOARD Pants XXL Very Light Use $11.50 (2 Bids) Time Remaining: 16h 12m |
 Orage Belmont Mens Ski Pants 2012 Small Black NEW $111.99 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 55m |
 Hot Chillys Pepper Skins Thermal Mens Long Underwear Top 2013 XX Large Black $27.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 41m |
 NEW Dragon Rogue Mirror Lens Mens Ski Snowboard Goggles YOU PICK COLOR Msrp150 $54.99 Time Remaining: 10d 16h 34m Buy It Now for only: $54.99 |
 Hot Chillys Pepper Skins Thermal Mens Long Underwear Top 2013 Medium Black $27.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 42m |
 THE NORTH FACE Mens TNF BLACK SEYMORE ADJ SKI SNOWBOARD CARGO PANTS NWT L LARGE $89.99 Time Remaining: 16h 39m |
 White Sierra Insulated Mens Ski Pants 2012 Large Short Black NEW $41.99 Time Remaining: 1d 8h 27m |
 TECHNINE Mens 2012 Snowboard Black NINES DENIM PANTS LARGE $119.99 Time Remaining: 3d 12h 36m Buy It Now for only: $119.99 |
 Hot Chillys La Montana Panel Zip T Mens Long Underwear Top 2013 Large Black $65.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 41m |
 Hot Chillys Micro Elite Chamois Zip T Mens Long Underwear Top 2013 Small Black $65.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 41m |
 Hot Chillys La Montana Panel Zip T Mens Long Underwear Top 2013 Small Black $65.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 42m |
 Winter Snow Goggles Ski Boarding Cloud 9 Dual Lens 4 Styles Mens Womens $21.95 Time Remaining: 13d 12h 50m Buy It Now for only: $21.95 |
 Columbia Mens 3 in 1 Bugaboo Parka Jacket Black Gray 24000 MINT $100.00 Time Remaining: 15h 21m Buy It Now for only: $134.99 |
 Salomon Ski skiing gloves padded snowboard leather black and red size Mens small $3.99 Time Remaining: 2d 6h 48m |
 Hot Chillys Chamois Ankle Pants Mens Long Underwear Bottom 2013 Small Black $55.00 Time Remaining: 1d 15h 41m |
Black Men
The Proper Care & Maintenance of Black Men
The woman who loves a black man has a special challenge. She will have to be diligent in her efforts to understand a man who often has difficulty understanding himself. It's not that we black men are being purposely or intentionally elusive; many of us simply don't know how notto be that way.
It's part conditioning, part programming, and part choice. Black men enter relationships with a myriad of complex emotions which are often intertwined with unresolved childhood issues, unique socioeconomic obstacles to overcome, and the cumulative effects of racism.
By the time we are ready to "settle down," our decision to do so is usually accompanied by trepidation. It's not that we don't want to commit; many of us just don't know how to. Yes, we know conceptually what commitment means, but its definition is not reinforced by examples that we can see and emulate in our homes, our communities, in most of our friend's relationships, or in our churches.
A random sampling of any urban radio station also reveals a subtle, yet insidious cultural affliction which undermines the value and respect for committed relationships: a gluttony of songs about being a player.
When black male teenagers inculcate these messages in their brains, it alters how they think about women, and how they view relationshipswith women. But they are not discouraged from listening to these types of songs. No one can do that; not even their parents who are usually trying to establish romantic relationships of their own, but more on that in a minute. At the very least, parents should encourage their young men to think about the misogynistic lyrics that they can recite better than the star spangled banner.
My many conversations with older black men about music in the 60s and 70s confirm one thing: the love song was alive and well back in the day. It was an integral part of the courtship strategy that black men used to "woo" women. Smokey Robinson, Barry White, and TeddyPendergrass supplied the soundtrack and the lyrics which influenced the romantic aspirations and psyches of young black men.
Babyface carried the torch in the 80s. After that, "booty calls," "hook-ups," and "friends with benefits" became - and still is - what the majority of Hip-Hop and R&B songs are about. You'd be hard-pressed to find a song which extols the virtues of being a family man, the love for one's children, or a song that mentions the word "wife."
Women have to view black men as computers. When they consider getting involved with a black man, they need to find out what programs the model of their computer comes loaded with. Ideally, you want a computer that's equipped with the programs that cater to your needs, enable you to execute your daily functions, and fulfills your desires.
That's not usually the case. Most women will have to add some programs, or do some reprogramming.
Because a successful relationship is really about having ongoing successful relations, the first area of concern -and undoubtedly the greatest challenge - is communication. "Black men don't talk." I've heard this before. I've never been accused of it, but I'm aware of it. What's interesting is that women don't say that black men don't talk before they get into bed with them. Chances are he talks just as much now as he did before you became lovers. The only difference is that you are listening to (and viewing) him differently. With your new level of intimacy, you have a stronger need (and desire) to connect with him verbally, not just sexually.
He doesn't feel the same way.
Yes he pursued you. Yes he expressed his desire efficiently and convincingly in the beginning, but once in a relationship, black men tend to retreat to safety. It's part of our conditioning. The vulnerability that we feel is juxtaposed with the strength (a.k.a "swagger") that we superficially display. Unfortunately, we don't know when to drop it, or display it in a different manner (e.g., with compassion, tenderness, or empathy). Have you ever heard someone say, "He's got a compassionate swagger?" Of course not. Swagger is all about confidence and strength. It protects us from other men, and makes us desirable to women. We just have to be programmed to know when it's appropriate and safe to be swaggerless.
Because black men don't talk openly and freely about the issues that affect them most (with their women or anyone else for that matter), they internalize a great deal of rage, anguish, and fear. Some manage it better than others, but we all have it to some degree. It stems from fragmented or non-existent relationships with our fathers, constantly being treated as perpetrators, and having to work two to three times harder than our white male peers to achieve the same success.
Unlike black women who benefit from the mental and emotional support of girlfriends, relatives, networks, or even co-workers, black men tend to be isolated - personally and professionally. On the surface, it would appear that black men are the kings of the jungle giving "pounds," handshakes, and random hugs to random people. To any onlooker it would appear that they know everyone.
Nothing is further from the truth. We thrive in the area of social status because we often lack status in other areas; the areas that count the most. Publicly, our social persona helps us maintain the appearance of being someone, and being liked. It also fortifies the illusion of our swagger.
Privately, we go through it. Black women have their mothers to call for reassurance and direction which they can draw strength and exemplification from on a wide range of topics. Black men have a longing for their father's guidance, and a desire to be connected with other men to receive emotional support, but it's not to be.
Presenting one's self in a weak, needy, or distressed light to another black man obliterates the perception (a.k.a "a front") which we black men work hard to create, and even harder to uphold. It makes the creation of a black male support system exceedingly and unnecessarily difficult. So we suffer alone to avert judgment.
For the black woman who is in a relationship with a black man, know that he does not experience - nor does he see - the world the way that you do. You were embraced both socially and professionally before we were. You've never been considered a threat, and you've received more opportunities as a result. The world that your black man lives in can feel like an uphill race. A good woman (i.e., a woman who understands her man and how to positively motivate him) can help a black man embrace his struggles, and not feel victimized by them.
Statistics show that black men are lagging far behind black women in education, professional accomplishments, starting businesses, and executive advancements. Yes, in the words of Aretha Franklin, "sisters are doin' it for themselves," but they are doing it alone.
African-Americans have the lowest marriage rate out of all demographics. African-American women are three times as likely to never marry as their white counterparts - which has to be a contributing factor in 70 percent of black children being born out wedlock. Black men often feel displaced. They don't see their place or their role in their homes when their women achieve the level of self-sufficiency that they have in the last decade.
Being in a relationship with a black man who feels displaced or undervalued is tough. What's even tougher is reprogramming black men to see their own value; the value they hold to their women, and to their families. Any woman who is successful can't help but to feel the urge to say, "Get it together and make it happen for yourself - I did!"
This phrase works better: "Get it together and make it happen for yourself. I know you can do it - your family is counting on you!" Sometimes that's precisely what's needed. Who else is more qualified to tell him this than his woman? Tread with caution and employ diplomacy though; black men have hypersensitive egos underneath their bravado which is why they are hesitant to commit to marriage, the arena where all of the fronting comes to an end.
The black men who do marry are apparently a special breed. According to published reports by the U.S. Census Bureau, 45 percent of black men and 42 percent of black women have never been married. Of the black women who do get married, 52 percent of them will marry by age 30, compared to 81 percent of white women who are married at the same age.
In spite of that, 65% of never-married black women have children, double that of white women. 22% of never-married black women with incomes over $75,000 have children, which is 10 times that of white women. 85% of black children do not live in a home with their fathers. With the reality of these statistics, the magnitude of the problems concerning the proper care and maintenance of black men can't be overlooked by the women who love them. These problems also can't be overlooked by the black women and families that are plagued by them.
At the root of so many of the problems which afflict black men is self-love. From self-love comes self-respect. From self-respect comes honor and pride in who you are; not what you do or how much money you make. Self-love and self-worth are delicately intertwined.
Women can love their black men to death, but if they don't love themselves, they will never feel deserving and worthy of the love and the life they are blessed to have. Black men must be reprogrammed to use self-love as a foundation upon which a greater love of life, and love for others can be built. Self-love and swagger may look the same from afar, but one emanates from the inside. Now you will be able to tell the difference when up close.
About the Author
Gian Fiero is an educator, speaker and consultant. He is affiliated with San Francisco State University as an adjunct professor, and the United States Small Business Administration (SBA) as a business advisor where he conducts monthly workshops on topics such as business development, career planning, public relations, and personal growth.
What do you think about black women who refuse to date black men?
I have a friend who's like that. She says that black men are lazy, have no ambition, and just don't care about their life. She says that white men do it better for her. When a black man try flirting with her she gives him the cold shoulder. I mean, don't get me wrong. Sure I married a white man, but I didn't marry him just because he was white, or because of the job he had. My husband and I were friends for a long time before we tied the knot.
Not all black men are like that. But there are plenty who fit the negative stereotypes. I don't date black men either. I just don't find them attractive. Everyone has their preferences. Sure she's biased but soon she will realize that all white men are not perfect. No one is. On the surface, they're more attractive, respectful and well-mannered, educated, financially stable (mine is loaded), etc. But they're some that don't fit the above characteristics and any man can cheat, lie, and abuse women.
There's plenty of black men who stereotype all black women and ONLY date other races. No one says anything. When a black woman decides to broaden their horizons, everyone always have to question it. People really need to mind their own business! If she only dates whites (for whatever reason), that's her decision.
White women PAY for sex with black men now...